The amazing rachel star

Second draft is finished

Yesterday I had a marathon writing session. I wrote almost 40 pages and made it to the end of the second draft. Currently it clocks in at 129 pages.

That sounds like a lot, since the last draft was only 79 pages. I really don't have all that much in the way of new content, so the fact that it's so much bigger is due mainly to the fact that I didn't use Word this time. For draft #2, I used a screenwriting program called Final Draft, and it automatically set the margins for the various script elements.

However, it's not ready for public consumption. I need to go back and make some revisions.

Changes I know I'm going to make:

• Change Rachel's name for something else; I have a character in another project that is named Rachel, so this Rachel's name needs to change. I think I'll change it to Michelle.
• Insert physical descriptions for all characters, and clothing when necessary.
• Change the dialogue for Rick and one of the female villains to reflect their respective accents.
• Examine the way Krystal and "Rachel" interact with each other and make sure that one is consistently portrayed as the leader of the group. Right now they still flip-flop back and forth.
• Make the dialogue that is supposed to be funny...funny.
• Find the various notes I've written myself about the second draft and make sure that those changes are made.

Sounds simple enough, eh? Hopefully it won't take me two months to get this done.

More progress

Made it to page 62 today. I think another 40 or so pages, and I'll be done. The first version of Snafu was written in Word (don't laugh!), and the second version is in Final Draft.

The version written in Word was 79 pages, and my target for draft 2 is 90 pages. However, I think simply keeping what I have is going to be around 90 pages in Final Draft. This does not take into account the new stuff I'm adding.

For example, I'm writing the second gas station scene. This is on page 42 in draft 1. In draft 2, even though there really isn't a whole lot that's changed...this is located on page 62. I wonder if I'll have to trim things.

Oh well. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I think the way I'm going to approach this second draft is simply transfer everything to Final Draft, then make a lot of my changes that need to be made. Like adding the dream sequence. And giving Rick a southern accent.

I think this second draft is going to be a lot better. And I think I'm actually going to finish it. This is all very, very good news.

Pass the salt

Finally, work has begun in earnest on draft #2 of Snafu.

Instead of being written in Word, this version is being written in Final Draft, so margins are not going to be an issue this time. I bought The Hollywood Standard by Christopher Riley, and it's a great book on formatting. After I get the content written for draft #2 I'm going to go back through it and make sure that the screen direction is correct.

One change I've found myself making on the fly is when Max and Rick get out of town. In the first draft they find the body, and a whole day goes by before they skip town. In this version they make the discovery, freak out, make a plan, and get out of town.

At least, that's how things are going for the moment.

I just finished writing this 4- or 5-page scene where they discuss what to do with the body. Rick is more laid back than in the last version of this scene, and Max is more decisive about what to do. One thing that's bugging me about this scene, though, is that Rick is the one asking all the questions.

RICK: So we can’t bury him.
MAX: I didn’t say that. I just said we can’t do it at my house.
RICK: What do you have in mind?
MAX: I say we bury him in the last place anyone would ever suspect us of putting him.
RICK: Tijuana?
MAX: That’s a bit far. Besides, if we cross state lines and we’re caught, this turns into a federal crime. I was thinking the mountains.
RICK: The mountains? Why would we bury him there?
MAX: Exactly!

Max takes another sip of his drink.

And it's a 6-page scene, apparently. That's 6 minutes of screen time. A long time. However, I'll keep going and see what happens. If it turns out to be too long I'll figure out a way to shorten it.

I really should keep this blog updated a bit more. Then again, between working on the script and writing the blog, I think the script should take precedence.

I've heard that my friend Zack doesn't like to write dialogue. This would explain his huge catalog of silent movies. Click here.

I can see why this is the case. Sometimes it's hard to write believable dialogue. Basically what I do is envision the conversation in my head, and copy down what the characters are saying. Hmm. I just admitted to having imaginary conversations with myself.

The other thing I find difficult is writing mundane dialogue. Let's say there's a scene with two characters eating dinner. One asks the other to pass the salt. The temptation for me is to turn it into a witty exchange.

Man: Would you pass the salt, dear?
Woman: Get it yourself!
Man: Really, dear, surliness does not become you.
Woman: I hate you!

Woman abruptly stands up and flees the room.

Man: I suppose this means I have to get the salt myself.

Okay, so the above exchange wasn't that witty. It's kind of odd. But anyway, the temptation is to make something big and dramatic happen every single time when simply having the character say "pass the salt" is enough.

Check back in a few months for another exciting update!

Outline, part dieux

Well, the outline for the second draft has been finished. I've removed some plot holes, added a bit of romance and a crock pot.

Before you get confused, please realize that the romance does not directly involved the crock pot. Or "slow cooker" as they are now called.

But I digress. I'm not planning to begin work on the actual second draft of the screenplay anytime soon. I may do some work here and there on it, but my main push will be to work on a short film, which has the tentative title "The List." I'll set up a blog for it at some point.

But that point is not now.

Changes

Another month, another blog entry. It's like I am my mother! (Do some digging and you can probably figure out what I mean. Were I less tired, I would probably be less obtuse. However, it's my blog so I'll be obtuse when I want to be obtuse. Thus ends my paragraph-long parenthetical statement.)

So...changes I know I need to make to this screenplay.

Max and Rick need to be more distinct characters. They are too similar. Being friends, it stands to reason that they would have a similar sense of humor, but in this case they are basically two versions of me. Ooh, there's a plot twist. They become aware of how one-dimensional they are and deduce that they are characters in a movie. They then go on to save the world from an impending alien attack and make profound life changes as they do it.

So anyway, Max is intended to be based on me, but somewhat more prone to stress-induced outbursts. Rick, on the other hand, is supposed to have a more laid back approach to things...except for when he discovers decomposing corpses, of course. However, since I subscribe to the "let's sit down and write whatever comes into my pretty little head" school of screenwriting, I often got the two characters mixed up. When I did a readthrough a few weeks ago (one I did not write about), there are whole sections of dialogue that I will have to switch around. In one scene (involving pigs in blankets), I have Rick saying things Max should say and vice versa.

This problem not only extends to my protagonists, but my villains as well. Rachel and Krystal are basically the same character. They need to become more distinct individuals.

So, what changes am I going to make?

Of the two pairs, Max and Rachel are the leaders of their respective groups. I need to make this aspect of their personalities more pronounced.

For the moment, Rachel (I think! Let me check...yes! I was right. However, if I wrote it and I get confused about the characters, they should be more distinct!) bursts into ghetto:

Krystal: [...]man, if I had a nickel for every time one of them said that...
Rachel: Fo shizzle my nizzle

At the time, it struck me as funny. However, it is currently cool for untalented white people to imitate Snoop Dogg. This detracts from the humor of the script. I like having my script be sort of quirky...and mainstream humor just detracts from the quirkiness. Well, that and the fact I didn't integrate it too well into Rachel's character. So I am giving her a South African accent.

Accents are a time-honored tradition that keep you from having to invent any sort of backstory. The viewer assumes they have an interesting one, leaving you, the screenwriting master of your craft, free to take other artistic shortcuts.

I'm also going to give Rick an accent; a Southern one. The story is set in North Carolina...at least one of my characters should sound like they're from the area. Rick will continue to become more laid back. All the freaking out will be left to Max.

One thing I'm going to add to draft #2 is a little heterosexual romance. Not much, mind you...and none of it successful...but a little dab will do. Rick is going to have some past relationships and be in between girls at the moment. Max, modeled after me, will seemingly have no luck with women until he falls (I love double entendres!) for Krystal. Krystal returns the love by shooting at him.

Speaking of Krystal, I'm toying with the notion of turning her into a Valley Girl kind of character. I don't mean that she's stupid; but adding Valley Girl mannerisms would be sort of funny. Ah, who knows?

I'm going to add some references to the fact that Max and Rick go to church. Why? North Carolina has a strong religious culture and it would add to the realism of the characters. The other reason is because I'm a born-again Christian. I would like to see characters that have faith in God that are not out to kill sinners (a la in Frailty, which I do like) or are crazy (as in just about every movie featuring with Christians in it).

Okay, brief diatribe.

Christians in general are out of touch with the culture around them. In part, this is as it should be, since we're commanded to be "in the world, but not of it." However, it's a trend that has gone way too far to the extreme. The reputation that we have in movies is well-deserved. We come across as crazy, religious fools that care for nothing except our own beliefs because this is how we have acted! We have placed our own opinions and need to be "right" above the needs of the very people we're supposed to be impacting in a positive way.

I don't feel the role of a movie is to convert people to a particular way of thinking (The Life of David Gale, anyone?). Movies can make points, though...and make people question the way they look at an issue. I feel that by making my protagonists churchgoers, I can make a small statement:

Not all Christians are homicidal maniacs or crazy.

Okay, well...you've got us on the crazy part. Heck, even I think a lot of Christians are kind of loony. But let's stick with the main statement. Not all Christians are homicidal maniacs. If you can accept this premise, I think you and Snafu will get along splendidly.

And the last change I'm going to discuss? I'm thinking about adding some mild profanity on the part of the villains. I mean...they're evil. It's a bit unrealistic for them to have a Sunday School vocabulary. On the other hand, I would like to prove that it's possible to have a successful film that doesn't utilize offensive language. I'm kind of on the fence about it. We shall see what happens. Tune in next month for my next exciting entry!

It's about time

Last night I began working on the outline for draft #2. Almost nine months after finishing the first draft. I've been somewhat busy with other things, though. I managed a Cold Stone Creamery and killed myself in school. However, I do have an Associate's Degree now, which is nice. And I moved. I'm now in Concord, NC.

But if you want personal information about me, you should visit my other blog.

It's been too long since I've done any work on this screenplay. If I want to turn it into a movie, then I should get cracking. (Cracking? What kind of word is that???)